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GENERATION GAP IN ERITREANS |
A Generation gap can be defined as difference in views, values and life style between one groups and another born in a different era. Generational differences have existed ever since human beings were created, but with a variance in degrees. In the Eritrean community, we hear it everywhere, “The old good days”; as if “good” is restricted to the old days. This generation gap is certainly felt by the community of Eritrean Canadians. We have migrated from one corner of the earth to another without appreciating the full impact of the culture of our new residence.
As families settled where they are now, either in Canada or USA or Europe, they inevitably want to maintain their heritage both cultural and religious. Every parent pursues lofty goals for his/her son or daughter. They need them to be engineers, doctors, pharmacists - anything that the parent had in mind and could not fulfill. Unlike the parent’s desire the child turns to be a bike courier, pizza deliveryman, yard worker, Wal-mart shelf stocker. A conflict arises. As a different generation, they may have different values or goals from their parents. The intentions were ambitious but the response is disappointing not for the child as much as to the parent.
There are two fundamental differences between the Eritrean children and their parents. The former wants to assimilate while the latter wants to accommodate. Children aspire to assimilate, that is to integrate his/her beliefs with new information and adapt to the dominant culture and to accept the customs and values of that culture. The parents want to hold into his/her beliefs. Therefore, when new information is gathered it is processed in such a way that it is adjusted with their existing belief system. For the children “home” is where they are and for the parents “home” is where they came from.
Eritrean migrant parents were raised in culture that foster interdependence as well as respect for elders and superiors. As children, we all grew up never to question authority especially one’s parents.
On the other hand, the generation brought up (and now born) in the west is encouraged to be independent, assertive, and vocal. These differences in opinion, belief systems and attitude is dividing the community – It is not a division it is a gap, and that is the generation gap.
This gap can only be bridged if one understands the other. Although children have a share in responsibility for that, the onus is on parents to create a harmonious environment contusive to mutual understanding .Some families adapt easily and successfully to these differences. For others, it is an uphill battle and continuous struggle.
We need to earnestly think about the merits and drawbacks of both the culture we are living in as well as the culture we were raised in back home. Only then will we be able to take the best from our culture back home and the culture here in the west, our new home. A society which promotes respect for elders and superiors is a society which promotes gratitude, humility and compassion in the younger generation. However, a society which promotes independence of thought and assertiveness encourages progression, self sufficiency and ingenuity on an individual and societal level. We need to temper the individualistic tendencies of our children with the communal values of our native Eritrea. Let’s take the best from both patterns of thought.
Parents can adopt various ways to ease the tension and decrease the conflict when dealing with children raised in our new home. Have an open and honest dialogue that leads to trust between parent and child. Treat children equally whether sons or daughters. Understand and address their concerns. Never lecture them:”We in Eritrea”, “when I was your age” etc. this will not work and will have a negative impact on his/her overall performance. This is because, either he or she is not in Eritrea, nor you are his /her age. Ordering or commanding them is futile; they have to be convinced that what they do is their choice, but with a guidance to make them do the right choice. Warning will not help much because here you are toothless tiger. Blaming, shaming criticizing will not deliver but will have bad side effect for the child. So please avoid all of the above mentioned.
I can quest myself before you ask me. So what is left? Be a friend to your children. Leave a positive impact on them. They will obey you more out of love than out of fear. Always keep a good impression of them. Encourage them (Ambsa -Hambrem Wedey/ Kecghen guali). Never over-react when they err or over praise if they score.
The ‘generation gap’ has existed for all our times whether we are in Eritrea or elsewhere. A decade or so from now, we will see our so called kids now will grow, and if they receive the kind of family protection and generosity we had from our parents, then slowly, but surely, they could come of age and be productive and decent citizens.
Hassen Fereg
Valuation review Specialist/CS
Toronto< Canada
Address:
Hassen fereg
61 Peterson drive
North York, On
M9M 1X2
Tel (416) 743-1550
e-mail: dermaszahera@hotmail.com
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